Strange developments between human beings



Strange developments between human beings


One starts of in ones youth with some experiences witch, strangely one remembers for the rest of life. Memories about things, persons…but also about thoughts one has inside. Like that time when I sat in class, the sun was shining and I tried to catch it between my eyes; in such a way that when I closed them not completely a lot of rays danced up and down.  It was a kind of ritual to me, a kind of starting my life all over again, the negative things were gone and from now on I would make no more mistakes any more.  Little did I know that the way of becoming more and more conscious was through both clever and partly silly or sometimes seemingly stupid decisions.  Even less did I knew that in each ‘now’-moment the next was already kind of predestinated by everything and everyone and each interaction that had preceded.  What one feels thinks and wishes, not only what one does is important in a way, because together with what others think and wish and do, it determines what is going to happen next, which words are going to be spoken and which deeds and events will occur.


Like in human history one advance each decennium more in to progress towards a world where the quality of live is more important than too much consumerism (even it does not seem to be the case in many ways these days), through contradictory evolutions and revolutions things will lead to forms of managing society in an ecological way and in a manner  that everyone has the means of leading a life with aces to housing, food, transport, telecom, clothing, energy and so on. I did my part in explaining all about life and how to come closer towards this point in history.  See : http://hetvoortijdigtestament.skynetblogs.be  with some English blogs as well.




In an prosaic kind of essay, called ‘so there was life after dead’, I tried to explain the ways in which life, even based on science, not only on not strictly religious belief, could well be eternal. Like the rays I played with between my eyes, it has something to do with the for our eyes and equipment practically invisible radiation that set off to turn itself in to atoms and cells…and when those in a first stage died and the process had to start all over again to form new cells.  But at a certain point in evolution the energy of all those first cells who had disappeared, became so strong that by a kind of intuition that was in fact of a kind of first energy transmission, the living cells started dividing themselves to reproduce, what in fact was a short cut. 


A lot of what practically happened to me and between others, behind an ever evolving history, I already wrote about. Things like the story in the intro above, are too close to the kind of material radiation is made of (using these words instead of the ‘other world’ or ‘the spiritual world’, because of the heavy load they carry along due to the history of religions and other kind of beliefs).   It was like if an ever present urge accompanied me in making me do things that were predestined…but evolved also together with the consciousness surrounding me.  Every important decision in my life, was accompanied by a kind of warning, a kind of ‘leave it for what it is or for who she or he is’.  As humans were concerned I often followed my heart out of compassion.  The heart is traditionally seen as the source of romance and love, but in fact it is the symbol of power and distribution.  People tend to only speak about the hearth instead of the entire system.  It seems to me that the kind of qualities attributed to the hart are more closer to men’s lower chakra’s; which in their own way are closer to one’s right part of the brain function.  The more rational part of the brain interacts more with the rational functions, is more air then water or chemicals, more radiation the ‘fire’ within matter.  Part of us functions as a receiver of what was in order to move to what will be with the ‘now’ as an eternal go between that ages very quick but stays young forever.  48 years later :




I.Ties needing to be purified (A-H : http://achjadeliefde.skynetblogs.be  )


It was in those days of the Vietnam war, where the seemingly strongest army in the world destroyed the daily life of the Vietnamese people. End of the fifties of the 20th century that process already started, you know the age when the Belgians build their Atomium in Brussels, that was to become the capital of Europe. Observer followed basic school. The ruins of the war were cleaned up and mainly there was a strange silence about that war. The traditional religious education and what happened in the times of the old Roman empire were more important in school then what had happened a decade ago. Observer found some of those ancient stories quite good for a part, but there were things missing in them or not correct. He wanted to give the old culture some credit, but he liked most searching for his own truth, while with his eyes a bit closed he watched the sun penetrating the window of the classrooms he spend the first part of his life partly in…he loved that bundle of rays penetrating his subjective world that looked for connections with the objective realities around him. The message that religion seemed to have, was that a human being had to be almost perfect, like if that mister God did not tolerate imperfection…wasn’t it the other way round sometimes ? He Himself, ‘God’, did not tolerate imperfection. One could not point a finger at his shortcomings : eternally good, eternally charitable, eternal this and that.

How could this be ? Everything came to an end, every school day, every live. Nobody understand the meaning of it all. One could not go to deep into this, one had to obtain points to pass each year to the next study year. There were the friends in the village and school, family…just making one’s way into life, the ‘practical’ life was one part of existence. The connection between life and dead; wasn’t that something for priests ? The score of ‘who owns what, was kept by the office of notary. The state of being ill or not was the task of doctors and pharmacists.

Who that was entitled on having a job or income, was a cause for politicians and companies; or with a bit of luck one had his own little independent occupation. But in what condition one’s soul life was, not calculating the former things in this condition, independent from material things (if that was by any means possible), was one’s own concern, measurable by the fact of feeling happy now and then and doing what one was doing and doing it with the people one liked. Not a lot of people were able to look in to their own soul or even less in the souls of others. One could share one’s soul life with someone, but it sometimes led to complications one had to understand again and again…because of the fact that the past of everyone, even before one was born, seemed to be continuously looking for a way to purify itself. The past was working it’ s way through the present regardless of the distance one was able take towards that past . So it seemed that over the border of dead things in the past and present were influenced by both ‘stories’.

As a little boy, Observer stood with his grandmother near the bed where Huske’s wife was dying, an old bent little farmer with almost a dozen children. Observer’s mother went to give the cows of her father in law to drink on the farmyard of Huske and Marieke it was, if Observer remembered her name correctly. The wife of Huske, yes indeed it was Marieke, was a soft one. As pipe smoking Huske often walked with his hands behind his back on the street, he used to tell Huske something funny sometimes. Much reason to laugh he hadn’t if one knew what troubles he had with his children and those ones with theirs. Observer didn’t knew at the time that it is not because someone seems happy and tells funny stories, that he is very happy and wise and has had a life where nothing was to blame him or her.

Without knowing it, there at that bed of the dying Marieke, (or, wait a minute, was it Huske ?) he stood at the beginning of a long journey through human psyche. The sister of Huske would be, or in fact already was (can be important energetically spoken) the grandmother of the later wife of Observer. The first child from Bertha, so Observer heard, the sister of Huske, was not from her later husband with whom she would have another 3 children…this could explain the later unrest in relations between that first son of Bertha and the other children. Dough being pregnant from another man, Livine married Bertha any way…so Bertha married into the same family name as Observer had. Al dough Livine was not closely genetic related to the boy who was going to have 3 children with the daughter of his second son.

The first ‘love’ Observer would have, was 18 and then 3 year older than him and under the tones of one of those to melancholic and emotional tango-songs, he would feel his Willy’s urge on reacting on their movements. The young woman was a the daughter of the first son of Bertha (Huske’s sister remember, Huske the man with a dozen children in a house to small). Observer thought about that day when his grandmother Clothilde and his mother and he as a little boy stood around the bed of the then dying person when they came to get water for the cattle…can the software of energies who died, still have an influence on events over generations ? Or was it their ‘God’ where practically almost alone the priest talked about, that was busy trying to write a scenario to give the past away rest and some of the living one’s happiness and conflicts as well to purify the past ? Or wasn’t every move one and didn’t the living in the present ones just played the roles whom they simply had to play because of their character and inner being; the roles which they played accordingly to their own nature and that of the ones who proceeded them maybe for a large part were their own fate.

Can one take over energy from someone who is dying and can that energy become part of yours ? He did not knew it yet, but on all his conscious and unconscious questions he would get an answer one day. Why did Observer’s mother stood by that bed of that little old bony old lady…because the fact that his mother also had a nephew and niece with a hump like Huske ? A child of Huske’s son had a water on the brain head like the sister of a women Observer would meet later on, after his divorce. Why would his mother also would end with legs she could not bent or spread anymore because off the hard working in her life ? Maybe the latter was too far away from making useful comparisons or connections, but there were remarkable observations to be made in life. Did one carry partly the same fate as certain with the partly the same features and if one was too compassionate one would get too involved with these developments…adding them to a part of the fate of others in one’s environment ? The Church preached to have compassion…but taking all the burdens from the ones who suffer in any way, without giving them the change to accept the truth of their lives and growing more on their own strength…was that kind of philosophy preferable to keeping a distance from genetic obstructions and looking for stronger partners in life ?

In the bus on a voyage with the youth movement followed the giving hands and feeling with Gaby, (ga-go-pass-by) the niece of Huske. In fact Observer found her legs a bit too large. They forgot each other’s first experiments and the sympathetic women not long afterwards, married an even cheerful man as Huske. In Huske’s genetic baggage or in that of his women or their ancestors, there is a gene present that gives children a water head or a leg tat is a bit to small or great or a hump. Huske’s grandchild had a water head and a niece of his a leg that was shorter as the other. It was not clear to Observer, from what he was been told, if the boy with the water head was intelligent…so why was he put in an institution, because off his appearance ? The man with the large head did not have a long life. Another family member of Huske was called heshe, because it was not sure which sexuality heshe had, strong as a man, but officially a women.

Huske’s sister Bertha married when she was pregnant of who know who ? It was, like mentioned before, someone with the same family name as Observer, but not closely related, the later grandfather of Observers wife on the family side of her father. That altruistic man took the change of sharing partly the genetic risks involved in marrying Bertha and taking care of her first son that wasn’t his. The grandfather of Observer, on his father’ s side, played a mediating role in this marriage. In the village where they lived he was known to conciliate people with relation problems, or not seldom was he called in to help resolve quarrels between people or lay the dead off. “You are going to have a good wife, never mind if she is a bit in panic because off the fact that she is pregnant already”, he said both to the real or unreal fathers. That was where that bible was partly about, wasn’t it ? The holy Mary was pregnant of the holy Ghost (no child comes in too this world without a reason)…and Joseph accepted responsibility.

So, after a few platonic loves, Observer , still a virgin at 16, went to engage himself with the after niece of Huske. She did not have her ‘flower’ any more, he felt while penetrating while sitting on him in that chair in her room and watching her intensively on his first ‘visit’ in her not so sacred place. He did not meet the resistance that was mentioned in biological books while she let herself downwards. She couldn’t have met a better boy to understand the situation, he did not care so much about it when she said to him that she had not done it with another boy…some women lose their hymen (hey men-joke) riding on a horse for example, he had read somewhere and told so…much to the satisfaction off his girlfriend. Observer did not yet know what jealousy was and his girl, Traum, had a Trauma, which she was trying to hide, because the next time they met she told him a story about some blood stains she found in her underwear. He had smiled with her explanation…and he should not have…because it would hunt her , not him the rest of her life.

She searched and found a way to tell him what her father Selfish had done with her…without telling the complete story around it. It seemed unimaginable to him that a father could do such a thing, that such a thing could exist…so he pushed it away as one does with stories one does not like. Only a years later he would realize what an enormous and gigantic task life had given to him. What a pain full situation it must have been for her, being involved in a physical love triangle with one’s parents. Listening at night how he did ‘it’ with her mother as well in the room with one wall in between. Trying to attract attention in an abnormal way and learning how to lie, one can learn quick in life. Observer did not understand in those days why people told lies to each other. How was she to escape from the feeling of being ‘less’ than other children ? By behaving a bit like boys between girls ? People, children can push away to their unconsciousness some things in life, with the risk that that what not came in too an open discussion with the originators of malicious deeds, can become too heavy to carry in life. Difficult side consequences started to build up because the victim, Traum(a) in a certain way, could not make a difference between her father and an innocent man, Observer in her case…he was a man as well and man do terrible things. Unsolved emotions destroy a lot in lives…whether a girl keeps on cultivating a guilty feeling towards her mother and allows her to dominate her or whether other examples of adults or children who are dominated by sex without mutual agreement. Our culture does not realize enough that a great deal of suffering and even disease, is the consequence of generation stories seeking to be purified by stronger blood, steadfast attitudes…in order to overcome weakening frustrations.

Observer was a good lad, with an important degree of softness inside, bold as he could be in other situations. He was often trying to live himself in in to how other people were. This capacity of his was so enormous, that he, as a boy, let a ten year older man do things with him, he himself as being so young, was not attracted to. This maybe was the reason why he and Trauma understood each other and could talk about this for a while, before they pushed this issue away from them as ‘resolved’. Trauma would convey her secret after Observer told his. They both seemed to have put those stories about the genetic and educational sad things behind them, but in fact they kept on infiltrating. The shadow of the past was so big, also because of the story of Trauma’s mother her parents and their past. The father of her mother had married her after she got pregnant after a rape…so also in this case that father (which was a cousin of her mother) had started off in the same way in a marriage as Trauma’s grandfather on her father’s side had). The funny, but not so funny thing is that that grandfather (Livine) his son would end up marrying a wife whose father was in the same case, as explained. Why things happen according to those strange rules ? Why did Observers mother in law and all the brother and sisters the cousin and his niece had in that (also) to little house…did not show more respect for the decision of their father to help his niece…maybe to show that man that one does not have to have too much compassion as to where those wrongly called ‘love’-things are concerned. Idealism and romance and poetry…and so on …values Observer tried to hold high…live did not always seem to use or follow these paths alone.
To be continued in every day life.


J. Love and the spiritual world


The spiritual world, one cannot understand by dogma’s alone
We have a lot of love inside us. When love often has been undergoing some painful tests and we still try to understand the reasons why people sometimes don’t get the real meaning of certain situations in a relationship and we keep on continuing trying to raise their understanding about the way life works…then there really is a spiritual connection between people, a thousand links to our daily lives and those of the ones before us.
What is that love and were does it come from ? Should one continue the relationship (s) or not ? Sometimes one has no choice, because the other side wants to stop the relationship partly or complete. Even if one does not continue to meet each other, relationships of all kind continue; most of the time it isn’t even clearly noticed by the different degrees of consciousness. You probably know about the moments when you can reach a high level of communication or contact with someone. One even does not have to fall in love with them in each way. It’s a strange thing that one can lose one’ s love for someone and if one is lucky friendship and respect remain to chase away the nasty thoughts and images the darker side of the beloved provoked. The darker side is all about the unsolved heritages of the past and the ones one added to them in responding from the same or other situations. When one touches the real nerve of the condition of someone, that someone begins to defend some cultural or personal dogma’s that not always correspond with the truth about someone’s roots. (Listen to both words, ‘truth’ and ‘root’…they have a lot in common.) Each time, in each area other words are used to enlighten bits of what life is about. One only can talk about the practical things of life and add some humor while maintaining the relationships that need no digging in too one’s soul. But when the discovery of one’s soul happens spontaneously, another approach becomes necessary. The sentence ‘ one has got to know one ‘s self’, is often used and clearly this passes through others; this can become a very intensive process with a lot of avoidable and not avoidable consequences…for better and for worse. One can chose for a celibate life, like for example priest do, or one can chose to find out what the soul of a woman or a man really contributes in discovering what life and your life is all about. Each kind of relationship, whether as a colleague, a child, parents, grandparents, friends, lovers…invites us to really understand the different meanings of life. In the case of lovers, what are they really searching for next to the pleasant things body-contact can offer and not feeling alone ? When spiritually connected people can overcome their negative emotions their fingers become like camera’s reading each other cells…surely an almost ideal situation…making love with a lot of concentration and understanding how to really activate each other’ s body…and soul in a spiritual way…but it isn’t a guarantee that things work out all right, because of the karma who preceded that kind of relationship isn’t understood or one does not dare to understand. This can cause a lot of troubles…and indeed if there are other family members involved on both sides and if one tries to please everyone without understanding in which situation they find themselves in. It isn’t easy trying to tell other people what to do…especially if they aren’t ready for it, or if they are too stubborn. Also, when the relationship with ancestors and others isn’t understood it can become difficult to unwind the wires.
Like in the telecom connections in the boxes on our streets there are certain connections between people and they get disturbed when things in our live occur that shouldn’t have happened to avoid complications, but in a lot of cases things couldn’t haven’t gone in another way. We experience things and we forget things, but when we reach the deep truth about a lot, we can tend to push it away, with a feeling of missing something as a consequence or we can try not forgetting the lessons and their feeling anymore and carrying it as a power in our consciousness…thus telepathically influencing things positively, all dough that SEEMS not to be the case sometimes. We cannot play ‘God’, but we can near the divine energy that make things happen mostly in an unconscious way. People who are aware of this should not try to escape by means of believing superstition or using unnecessary pills that burry a part of their body and soul and prevent a contact with their spiritual inner communication or dialogues which they could have had if they had overcome themselves and others. Often they cut ties with the one who really cared lots and lots about them, because the confrontation with their roots was to heavy emotionally loaded for them. Then they have the choice to enjoy life in a way they can handle, but in many case they make it worse. Sometimes the more distance one keeps after finishing a relationship or turning it in to friendship (if still possible), the better it will go with oneself or the other…if this means that one of the two for example will not take some medicine any more, the longing for the one he or she had to miss can come back and if that person is lucky she or he will not have to repeat the same road with more suffering then joy. Suffering surely will come when one discovers one has lost someone with the same roots. True roots, roots of truth. (almost poetry those related sounds in these words).


What was the next stage in the platonic friendship Doubt and Observer once again had ? One of them or both of them having someone else to have a bio relationship with as well ? How would they begin the last stage of their lives ? Go on like that in the knowledge they had not completely fullended what they had started, because the consequences the reasons for coming together or going out of each other, or starting again, their ancestors had, were to big to overcome ? When would she finally understand. Or did Doubt want just a friendship because she felt guilty about not accepting the traditional role of a wife towards her husband ? Then she would agree with her ex husband vision that something was out of controle with her emotional system, due to... . Observer would not start all over again thinking about it all. In a probably last large email he pointed out that he had need of skin contact as well and had worries of his own close ones enough to try to understand and deal with. It was this or leaving every one on their own destiny and following his own without looking back to much. Still there was a lot of fun an spiritual insights that were understood while they met each other from time to time to catch op with events.




K. Further personages in the ancestral and present telepathy sphere

A woman named Sharp, had a disturbed relationship with her mother, in whose eyes she could not do a lot of special things. Inside sharp was somebody who liked a more artistic man with a sense of adventure. She married one and after some years her husband had another woman and for ten years she agreed with their relationship, focusing up on her own career, staying without children. She liked to go out and chat with people in pubs, man and women. She met another artist but he was too difficult to live with in the end. Then she went on holiday with another man some time later…but he cheated on her during the voyage. A few months later she met a businessman, and intuitively few people knew it was not going to last all dough she was a good mother for his kid and so on. The accumulated telepathy of the couple and their past, was too heavy to carry in the end. Sharp and a female friend of hers went on a voyage, talked a lot, discovered common lines in their life and when that friend came back from the trip she decided not to sleep any more with her male friend. She had a lot of reasons which this man only could guess, but in fact he understood the whole picture at last. Some months later Sharp would leave her male friend as well. Sharp and the friend of her woman friend, had in common that they supported for a very long period that their lovers had someone else or were not completely free. That male friend had the kind of feeling Sharp had known when he was young, that he could that not do enough for his parents to get their recognition. Attraction among friends, due to telepathy of a lot of kinds ?

Handsumstuborn had her youth before the second world war and she could chose out of tree boyfriends…one went to war and never came back and he was too quick in wanting to be under her dress, one was not kind enough too kids and the second oldest she could not have from both her father and mainly his mother…she chose him anyway. Her future mother in law accused her, such a good hard working women of being no good…but that ‘would be mother in law’ kept her mouth when it became clear that someone saw her being taken by someone who was not her husband…and Handumstuborn told her mother in law that she knew about it. The marriage was allowed by the parents and they went to live in the city and by doing so they escaped perusal in the war. They had a son together, who all of the sudden at the age of 15 got paralyzed. Ancestral and present telepathy and, or a boy that was conceived during and growing up with the most barbaric of wars as a theme in his life ? Who could Handsumstuborn blame, thrown in life as she was, like anyone ?
Gardensoftness ‘s mother was told to be a very rational woman and she had married gardensoftness ‘s father who was coming out of a family with an intense second chakra, which is the prolongation of the real biological stuff of life in it’ s instinctive way. She grew up with a brother who was a more rational type and they got to have some material differences by the end of his life, because he did not live to get very old. She married at a rather late age and took care of her husband well, trying to cope with her being a bit nervous. She could forget all about this as she took care of her plants and herbs…if she put something in the ground, one could be sure it would flourish. Her husband was a good guy who helped a lot of people in a social way…but as he said to his closest friend, he was getting nervous of her. She knew she was a bit nervous from time to time, but did this came from her feeling a bit guilty from the rumor that was told about her widowed mother, as if she would have made love with a man working at her farm witch she kept going all along with the help of her children ? Her husband was he really very much in too having a woman as livelong friend in the house ? Did she for an important part, had the same instinctive and genetic roots as a man named Obvious, the only one who could understand why she had sleepness solitary nights ? Now that her husband had become severally sick, Gardensoftness even felt guilty about the whole situation…because she got the blame for it. Was she indeed thinking too much of a live without a husband that wasn’t tender any more…was that the reason why he could not feel her love any more…wasn’t the real reason a mix of the things mentioned here above ?

On the boarder of ancestral and present telepathy…if there is one.
It sometimes is remarkable that in the face of dead people who have unfinished stories with other people and where the real underground of feelings never have been discussed; that those people or one of them that dies let go of their anger all of once. One can see no real morning in somebody after someone’s dead or while dying one shows no more interest in giving a pit of good feeling to the ones one leaves behind…as if those one’s are to blame for someone’s misfortune…that might be, but mostly it is a shared task, exchanging the negative and positive parts. It is not a good thing not supporting anyone anymore and wishing he or she were gone…in which way this could become possible anyway, one has to talk openly about one another’s feelings, so that everyone knows what to aspect or take attention at.
Looking for a religious experience
That’s what he thought while driving on the road towards meeting two friends at different places. He was a bit early because of the fact that his usual Sunday scheme was different, he did not need to take care of elderly persons today. The appointment was at seven pm, so what would he in the meantime do ? Visiting a spot in nature with trees, was his favorite, because the game of light and the height of trees restored ones energy circuits and levels. As do the visits in places with high walls, like churches, who can replace the trees in a way, because their energy circuits pull up one’s energy as well, or it should be very noisy inside, noisy in a chaotic way. The thought of having a religious experience did not mean something having to do with a religion, but with deeper truth (roots) in life itself as it is to most of us. So he didn’t drove to the city yet, or to nature, but followed a sign leading to an abbey. At least that was what he thought…it seemed to be a home for elderly. There was an abbey, but hard to find because of many road works. No, finding a religious experience in dealing with elderly, that was another story to be told later, not in his spare time. So he drove back to town and stopped at a café with people in it, but which main entrance was closed. The lady pointed to another entrance, which at the inside someone unlocked. He saw some young men, smoking in a corridor with not much space and where normally nobody entered, due to some objects that where put there. He recognized someone in the hallway, but that’s another story from another place. When he asked whether he could enter, he was told by a young guy that the people owning the café had not paid some taxes, so that there was a police visit on its way. So Eco did not decide to enter, he was lucky again. In a more normal pub he recognized an old woman, who had a kind of artistic aura as well. He recognized her from those days when he had to take the train in the city to go to work, she always held the hand of a young child. He asked her how the child was, if she as an elderly mother had brought him up. “It is a woman, age 23 know”, she said and complained a little about not seeing her often al dough she lived in her neighborhood. But that is another story, Eco didn’t had the need to talk about why her daughter was living with two other women sharing an apartment with a large living. He only encouraged the woman to take up her painting again and instead of painting from postcards what the great painters had painted, invent some themes herself. That was Eco alright, always inventing things which could inspire people with talent to use it. It was a good advice for him as well, because he hadn’t come to writing lately, but it takes time and experiences and a panoramic view on life…and therefore one has to climb daily. So, was this the religious experience of the day, packed in to a brief encounter with someone at age already, who liked her beer, maybe a bit too much and the brief attention of a far younger man. Maybe she was just glad to be noticed as a mother who took care in those days long ago, …did she take care…no, this was no job for Eco anymore, al dough life had given him a lot of difficult tasks, he didn’t accept them anymore, after having understood the messages in the why of people meeting people. He was about to understand another lesson.
The appointment of 19 pm did not show up. Her house was probably empty. The appointment of 20 pm was in a little pub where people only get worried when the cable transmission of the football match loses connection. But, it can be said, there was a kind of friends amongst each other sphere hanging, if one does not have the ambition of looking to profound in men’s soul any more. They seemed to look at the t v , but in fact they sometimes look at the strangers in the café, but when those strangers then look back, they pretend not having looked…only when we are small children we don’t play those games. Eco’s rendez vous came in and gave him a book from a friend poet as a present. He wanted to talk about his journey to the pub, about his inner life, but that had to wait a bit. Some friends where introduced and Eco could appreciate the parts from their souls they tried to represent in an honest way. There was the young men with Russian roots, who looked forward of being mail men every day and a teacher of history who was bit to realistic about life…and then one starts being too severe about judging people or one loses ones enthusiasm for one’s role as a teacher. But, the teacher, had drunk already some wines, so that made his mind express himself a bit rougher the usual Eco supposed.

The RV (rendez-vous), lost touch with her real beautiful female inner part, after a couple of beers and began word attacking Eco, with some emotional negative things she was running away from a good part of her life. That was Eco’s life again, dealing with unsolved parts of the history of women mainly, because men did not talk about those things. Think of every possible thing or situation a woman does not want to happen to herself and Eco had met someone who had had this or that kind of experience. Women told Eco a lot and he was a good listener, but when Eco then explained what probably had gone wrong and why… afterwards women tended to take revenge on him for exposing the truth in themselves, that they themselves, could not face any more in fact. Strangely the women Eco had got to know better in his life, had each one some artistic or intellectual talents, but they lost feeling with it because of those to heavy emotional things in life…Eco from time to time was a trigger for them to get restarting being busy with the more essential things of life. Under each other they got mixed up about him because one can as well be jealous of words or an innocent touch…and due to circumstances that he did not always chose, when there was more…it could be explained not in a guilty way.

Women he had met in his life, had been damaged by circumstances of their life, al dough they each had some talents on certain fields (even a lot of talent in artistic or other way). It seemed like they had to meet him, not only t have an exchange of the truly valuable parts in themselves, but to confront them with a certain degree of anger, fear or jealousy in them. And even dough one offers them the change of a lifetime to get a more conscious life and a practically more happy one…it seemed not to be the purpose in his life to live this with them…at least as living together on a daily basis was concerned.

Weren’t they in a strange way, punishing themselves in fact ? Was it to be like that because of the preceding stories (their own and the genetic heritage) ? Isn’t it also to be like that because of the hidden energies of feelings and thought who prepare dialogues, decisions and events ? Strangely these things also happen even dough there is a very good dialogue between his and their souls in the beginning (or even later on when the relationship has lost it’ s bio-aspect).

Even dough if one can offer them on a bio level a good feeling, or if one continues this line; even if one discovers how to lead them to their specific way of having an orgasm (or wondering sometimes what blocked this) …this was no guarantee that they would not try to project their inner uncertainty on him. Which where the strange reasons for all those different ‘energies’ in people ? He could be a plausible as he could, there were always reasons, often outside of his person, why they wouldn’t share their life with him. Sometimes one wondered if they were of different sexual nature, or both, sometimes they had too much trust in pharmacy which let them to lose connection with their physical desires, or cut them off from their feelings sometimes being sad because of the aging process and family problems of ‘former’ lives. They sometimes made plans when they felt better, but they seemed to undergo and hide for their own lives…which often they themselves had made to complicated…and when they run into someone to explain this to them, in the end it was to confronting for them, due to things that happened. So in some case they stayed alone or where pleased with a lesser conscious person.




L. Island with a symbolic meaning
On this day I think about a conversation I had yesterday with a woman visiting my mum, who went to an island with her ex friend, because at the last moment her girlfriend could not go with her. Once and a while she visited the ex friend who felt kind a lonely…should she keep on doing this or not, people around her and herself wondered, the boy had a bit of a drinking problem, a bit spoiled perhaps or whatever reason. They had been living together for a couple of years and then separated. Traditional religious people or others would say…that the girl is taking her responsibility as a woman, ‘stick with him, stand by your man’ as long as possible. They seem to have a point, but one cannot compare everyone like you compare varieties of potatoes. Ancestral Telepathy moves in strange ways. I remember when I was dating my ex-wife, she also went to the same island with school. They did not stay on one place, but continued their journey from hotel to hotel. Normally we wrote each other one time a week, because I was often staying in another country for a year. I taught that it was no use sending her a letter, because of the distances, but the first hotel would send the letters for the schoolgirls to a few other hotels for two weeks (it was in those days when the cellphone did not exist. When my ex came home, she was mad because of the fact that the other girls had received mail and she didn’t. So she wanted to finish the relationship I guess ? Psychologically, this is what happened : my ex had a troublesome relationship with her father, but she did not get in the open with him, because of what she did not liked what her father did to her. She kept her anger in side, which probably was the reason why she was very allergic. Later on when we were living together, she had no more allergy. But to continue the story, what happened ENERGETICALLY was that she was away from her father for two weeks, so there was a different kind of waves in the air, another kind of telepathy. Being not in the neighborhood of someone she had a big problem with (her father) and not in her mother’ s as well, (my ex had a big guilty feeling towards her mother)…she finally was ‘free’ in fact and therefore she could less feel the need of a boyfriend who had some trouble with an older man abusing him (no penetration) and who understood her. She was another person as to speak, with new horizons…no need to keep on dragging the past and moaning about it inside. (or maybe she had a Greek lover, who knows) In Germany where I was staying at that time, I had a good feeling energetically as well…because by means of telepathy I understood her mood and was glad in fact that I did not have to write two long letters, which I in fact liked doing, but considering the circumstances I did not miss the writing…in fact because of energetic conditions in the inner of us both…I would not have to sacrify having a life with a women with a heavy heritage. And she would not have to live a life with someone who was a kind of a genius, explaining to much everything. But as she got back we continued the relationship for the next sixteen years. All dough telepathically spoken, something doesn’t stop…one only can neutralize it some of the time at least.
So what makes the island symbolic ? With other decisions my life could have changed there. Now the young women who went to the same island, within a some months she will go with a group to visit another place and maybe this island can be a turning point in her life, if her ex friend no longer goes with her, who knows, who shall tell. But what I can tell is that the same day she told me her story I think my ex woman friend I presume, took the decision of not seeing me even on a platonic way anymore…maybe she is going to announce it to me the next time we meet ? ‘She must let it sink in the mind a bit’, I can understand this, but she does not understand my complicated explanations. By the way, when she came back from her last out of the country voyage, she decided we should go for platonic as well, due to a lot of all kinds of reasons, but having ‘cheated’ wasn’t one of them. We still till this day see each other regular as platonic friends again, but that might change from now on…due to the kind of alibi people with separation needs (in cooperation with the two kinds of telepathy) construct : my condition and mood and some misunderstood feelings around a pub table where a woman friend of her and a male friend of mine sat. That friend of mine had visited that same island last year for three months. Next time a relationship in trouble cause lifelines of people who have been on the Island cross, I’ll watch out…I will not name the name of the Island, because each place maybe has the same symbolic memories for other people in other situation…and maybe it is only my intuition ( present and ancestral telepathy) who wants me to help understanding a bit. The trigger who started my bad mood at the pub came from someone who hasn’t been touched in a very long time and maybe has some problems with his or hers identity…and even if one does not drink a lot, one to many and sharing not understood deep inner feelings (not much use talking about them between man by the way)…and the present telepathic energetic stage of the four of us, did, by interacting and saying the wrong things, the rest. But often saying the wrong things get you out of a situation where you no longer belong. Being completely honest is something that a lot of others cannot support.


M.Ancestral telepathy

Yesterday, I was in a village where they held a strawberry market in Newred, under the octagonal tower. The smell of strawberries let my memories to the time when I spent my youth , every stock place stood full with rows and rows of strawberries and other fruit, ready to be charged on two lorries and transported to Malines or Germany. Sometimes now days, more than 40 years later, I think back of that time and it seems that things which are happening now, and things one could not have known in those days have a strange connection because some things seemed to predict others all the time, without really knowing what is going to happen. It's a kind of feeling that you realize after things have occurred. On other occasions one realizes that one could have known before that it would happen someday.

There used to be a working man who came for some works from time to time to our place. He sometimes, like other workers said to me "I hope you will not follow in the footsteps of your father, who works to hard". Like some older workers who had spent their life in the mine, I thought the same...it is good for a growing boy to learn how to work hard, but there is a difference between working and child labor. It wasn't meant to be that I at this moment, am not a fruit cultivator or fruit trader. The first should have been more something for me, the second, trading, no way, I haven't got the soul for it. And in fact, that is what my father wanted me to be, and I would not let him down, so I started studying economy instead of taking the direction 'human sciences'. No wonder that I had do a year two times, but I did not wanted it to be two times the same 'economy' and I switched to human sciences i stead. It has taken me some time to overcome the fact that I had to do the same year twice. In fact I wanted to quit school as soon as possible. On the other hand my father proposed to me to go a year to the United States as part as a switching program for students. If I should have said yes, would my life have been so different from my life now ? My intuition said that I was not prepared to lose a year by goiing to the States and then having to start my year over in Belgium. In his youth my father wanted to go to the Congo to cultivate fruits after the war, but something kept him here. Later on in my life sometimes people who had some link with Congo, crossed my lifelines...as if 'thoughts' that people carry with them and projects that one cannot do themselves, pass on to other people who in fact in reality make the link that others did not make. My niece for example, married to a man from Congo and they are now still together with a lot of grandchildren and another niece of mine as well had a Congolese link. Both my father and his brother in law, the father of the nieces have the same first name. So why was I not born in Congo and why I was not born in the USA like in the ' Bruce Sringsteen'-song ? Looking at the political situation in Congo wright now, it isn't an environment where I would like have been grown up and not at all in those old colonial days back then. The country has seen a lot of his rural people who went to live in cities and in some areas foreign colonial policies go hand in hand with the new Congolese elite, hand in hand with private armies battling for the resources and commiting criminal acts. Coming from a village in Belgium which had lost one out of six people in the war, with a mother who was hit by a piece of a wondering bomb, I have always hated war; but who would have taught that other wars of another kind, lay ahead of me ? I was young and wanted a girl and a family, children which I indeed could talk more with about life, than I and my father did. That was practically all the time about what was to be done in the company. On the field or in the trade business. I was about to discover how society functioned and at the same time, but more and more intense, I began to understand people better and better. I did not understand why my father did not spoke so much, but as I get older I know that there is a reason for everything which one wonders about in life.

I stayed in middle Europe and after working for the company of my father and his brother, I decided to look for a job. I was lucky to find one. As a child I saw people of the telephone company climbing wooden structures with irons on their feet and I knew this would be something for maybe. Study hard my mother said while watching me...if you study hard you can give instructions. I passed an exam with 9OOO people and they needed only 900. It was an essay about free time and I defended a kind of society which wasn't based on working like mad, day in day out and how people could benefit from this in their personal development. Looking back on this essay from 1978 and comparing it with now, I find that a lot of people have free time, because they are without a job due to many reasons, but do they know what o do with their time ? Because of fewer employment the State employed a lot of people and I was one of them and I really wanted to work, but I wanted to have a work with a real social function. I worked for a telecom company and we had to keep ourselves busy with the preparing work for some publicity for the company, but that was mainly to give some people an occupation , in the end they gave our projects to a private company. I learnt what unions and political parties were back then, not being aware that the policies of those institutions were more about making career then about formulating modern solutions for society. A lot in life was about having the wright connections and going along with how society is organized and what your environment wants you to do. If you refused to go in the army, well you had to obtain for civil services and one lost an entire year again once more. Once you start building a home, and have a responsibility for a wife and children, then it is not so obvious of changing work. And if the work you are doing isn't pleasing you, then you are being pushed by circumstances to change your life...otherwise one ends up like people drinking to much because they do not like their work...or because their wife loves somebody else. Why not make work a social right by creating a universal system where each person is payed the same for the same work, with one social security system ? One day, this will come if decadence is stopped in this field. In those days in the eighties, if one would have predicted that email would replace telex or telefacs...one wouldn't have believed you. Voting telematics for a social program against poverty and war, can only get possible if more and more people get conscious about things (and themselves). http://bloggen.be/conscience2008

As I got in my midlife, more and more, after having gone to the stage of understanding the material world of the workplace and everything around it, also the psychological factors (some people liked working a lot less as others), I started dedicating more time to other issues in life, psychology in human relations for example...due to the fact that I had a divorce because of my wife having somebody else...I tried to win her back for our tree children and myself, but it was no use...after a scene one wished would not have happened, one takes descions more easily, because one has an alibi.

At first when one is alone, one tries to look at it at the bright side...all those new woman who are waiting for one, some people think...but that is not the way it work with energy and attraction after one is in recovery of a breaking up and even when one has recovered. In my case I came in to contact with a number of people and situations that represent the entire scale of what one does not wish that would happen to one... I have always tried to put myself in other's their place, and because I was showing to much compassion and understanding and because I wanted to do things to help others...I not only sometimes lived in difficult positions...but I, as a reward I had a lot to write about (mainly in Dutch so far) and became wise. The writing, it were moments to explain those moments and periods where one had a lot of understanding about a lot of things, not being aware of other things that waited to be happening because there still was a lot more of explaining and understanding to do, theories to be written, and literature to be made in order of the fact to make oneself more aware of why we are living our lives.

But ones one has finished this stage in life, had all the different emotional stages under different circumstances, one gets older and one comes up with one’s own speculations as to how life really is in a relation with dead, under the influences off all the former human energy left behind by other generations. Read my essay-story "there was life after dead as well" therefore. (latest text below) and also on http://closertothesoul.blogspot.com
The past was integrated in the present and functioning according own laws. So why continue about writing on the past, this day was the prolongation of my own karma, but not alone of mine, of many others, off all collective from the first cell of this big bang cycle and farther back. Where was it all going to in the lifelines off those closest to me ? The future was being prepared long before me and wright now, the lives who would come in to the family or else were, would be a response, a these, an anti these or synthesis or what else, to what had happened and was happening wright now...and sometimes we could understand that all these stories had a sense. In the case of the material world, evolving from tribes to modern society with no more war and poverty and quality of living and time to occupy us in a more refined cultural way. In my life, the story from hard working people that would give me more the chance to occupy myself with thinking and writing about all possible meanings of life.

The number of things one can write about are limited...even as you do the most simple things, by doing them, certainly a writers mind is occupied all the time with thoughts and second thoughts and flash backs and realistic to surrealist links between a lot. It all gets too much to capture and write about...but here and there one tries to capture a detail and make a lot of words follow...and when you have described them, you've made so many new links and different perceptions and possible interpretations that even for a genius it would not be possible to bring over to the reader. The reader hasn't lived that what you want to express. That's why in real life, there are so many personages and situations one can understand best by observing, by asking yourself what really is the meaning of this or that personage in ones live, in facts, humanly and in an energetic way. Ones you've understood how this works, you can chose what you really want to do with that life of yours in a more conscience way...or is telepathy stronger than your own free will and desires ? It's a fact that life does not always makes things happen because you like this or that...but in order of your specific role to play in this or that situation. As my father said the last month of his life” 'liking'...is nothing” (he meant responsibility is all, but he due to this disappointment of having the last nine years of his life to spend in a wheel chair due to brain bleeding. He recovered and adapted to his new life, could walk with some help in the end and so on. He was a very calm man inside, but sometimes he lost his temper, due to to much work...or being attributed not the woman with the same inner calm inside and seeing things more in function of making money or thinking too much in black and white. Was it a coincidence that later on I would have my first almost platonic experiences in love with girls related to the one my had not chosen for in the end...and the third with our family name, but no family ? Strange. Another girl my father had an eye on earlier was related to the one my sister would pick as her husband, after a period of doubting they married. Due to the same resus in blood group they had some difficulties of having a baby, in the end they had one, but the second only lived for an hour after eight months. It may be sound cruel, but am I to understand by all this that as in other cases I saw in my environment that too much doubt about a person means that in later life there will be some problems genetically ? In many lives of people I know, I notice that some characteristic problems are often gone in a next generation. I was lucky, I did not want to work very hard physically all my life, didn't want to get rich as well, so I got the better of my parents out of me, combined with that always present touch of wanting to spend my life looking for the meanings of it. I was lucky as well with having children that care more about what they really want ten I do; I, who worried to much about other people, in a way I still had to learn how to handle. Of course, next to the improvements in each generation, new characteristics that come from the former generations in their broadest spectrum, arise. There can be new, but not totally new elements, wanting to have a lot of money for instance...maybe if they marry you for your money you will have a first child that doesn't care so much about money and a second that does and a third who is more in between. Also the period where one has children is no coincidence and not programmed children are no errors but, they come on the stage of life at the right time and place to play their role. One can wonder whether there is a difference in having children on the moment where there still is a lot of passion in a relationship, or later born ones...but with passion I do not only mean physical passion. Being tender and understanding to each other, having less critic, can make a good relationship. It is not likely that one will be more happy when one divorces, it might work out, but if there is a spiritual bound between two people they must chose for each other, or go on in a platonic way, if they have the room and strength for it. Having a spiritual bound is not only having a past with a lot in common, for example meeting people with different kinds of energy of body and soul then their own, sometimes even of a different sexual preference...who send of one’s life in a circle around of the real life you would have had if one had taken other decisions. But decisions are not only your owns...they depend as well on the decisions others made...or maybe one represents all those decisions, just by being you and one must not feel strange in his or hers own body, because there were and are and will be so many reasons for being the one you are.

Each day, each week...is another unit of progress in one’s life. If one understands, one get' s to know in life where one is, at this or that stage of his life. This week I understood that it will be difficult continuing on a platonic base with the one who was very close to me for the last sixteen years. The first sixteen years I was married. She and me, let's call her Doubt, had started off on a platonic bases. Exchanging books about how to live on a natural way, no pharmacy, alternative healing, listening to the soul as a curer...only in pain using some medicament of the pharmacy, eating healthy, not gaining to much weight. We talked and talked about the real meaning of religion and I read books on physics which she gave me and which she did not understand completely herself. After two years our body language wanted to speak as well, one day there was a first kiss and we made love in a chalet near a wood for the first time. She would not speak of it with her husband...but she did, like she had done the first time she slept with another man, because there was not enough time for a second baby yet, as her husband always found, as she explained. All her married life, she in fact was looking for a man with another kind of energy and a kind of artist or so, the second man was to have a baby I guess. If he was indeed the father, why blame her…maybe it was genetic wisdom at work by means of ancestral telepathy ?
Her hard working gentle man, a little to economically driven, got over it and they continued their live and had another child. There are two ways in making a judgment in this...whether you say this is morally wrong or you follow the explanation in this text...which partly suggests that instead of being morally wrong, it can very well be that following the genetic stories explanation and the influence of telepathy in the lives of people is very more exact. Why is the moral explanation a bit true as well ? Because making live to complex can turn in to very difficult situations...in triangles of love for example, one has to choose which person you want to life with, cause very few people I think can take the weight of having to share people in their love life. Maybe another kind of hierarchy in the scenario of life, is to be explained by the rule that the one who cause deeds, that those will return to him or her. Taking that into account one has a lot of interest in staying calm and controlling thoughts, words and deeds. We always are bussy with deciding what we will and shall tell and what not to this or that person and we want to give a picture of who we think others are, according to what others tell us...often we have some wrong points of view and things will happen between people in order to get clearer and clearer pictures. People don't want to exchange really deep emotional feelings, they are afraid of them (also because of the higher telepathic task that pushes them to stick to their lifelines and to avoid them from coming in to trouble ?) If people do not make their lives in to prisons, it's ok by doing so. Some people really need the experience of getting out of their prisons, others think they are in one, because they do not understand past and present and make false prepositions about the future. They have lost contact with their soul. They think the ones who are or the one who is, the most closed to them are deranging things and while those persons in fact hold the key to their development. It is a pity that such people normally get more jealous at that people then at others.

So in a certain stage of wisdom, after crossing al the stages in life, (if one has to),one finds out that everything is energy. It seems as if there are only seven kind of persons like colors, sounds and senses (inner organs and telepathy six and seven). Seven chakra's from one to seven...from step one, the very early instinct to a softer form, sensuality resulting in rationality and something in the middle between the earthly and the heavenly, being sound, air, light and innerlight of everything if you want to give eight a specific name as well. On your calculator, with eight everything is possible, it combines. Each of these stages, like an atom in his core, can have a proton or neutron position, in matter the neutron position is filled one can supose, in anti-matter as well ? (the last I'll have to do some research on).

Ah, those women on pharmacy to control their heads, forgotten about their soul. They complain about certain things and they forget that they keep certain desires like tenderness…etc under. They, when you are having a living apart together or another relation with them, try to push you away and that' s why on moments when you want to help them a little bit financially for example they are not pleased, and you wonder why, “because in a part of their heads they already have calculated your absence and often they don't know, no, never they do know (men as well) that it is the telepathy of the ancestors who try to take revenge to the part 'ancestor' in them...that is, if it isn't the telepathy of the living ones. In that case, what does, can one do, if one still loves such a woman ? What can one do against the dead ? Stay lonely the rest of your life ? What are the consequences of such a conduct for a women who has a spiritual bound and the possibility of renewing what one had ? That she becomes a bit or a lot less a life (even if she will have again another passion in two dimensions (psychologically, cultural, biologically for some weeks, but when will she miss the spiritual connection )? What if one dies, not pleased, not fulfilled with one’ s life? One can be a better transformer when one dumps the heavy part of the genetic heritage...if not, maybe it will influence the ones one leaves in a less good way, like when doubts to much about the roads one has to take in life ? Or cannot all be explained in terms of having to carry one’s own karma to the extreme consequence ? What if her son for example, who sticks also to someone in a triangle is given the wrong example, by not choosing for the man who waited years and years (not the son, hopefully he will separate earlier, if that is in his nature, reacting a bit macho can reward him, if he finds the courage. One can continue in finding reasons that go further than the normal psychoanalysis, but this will do for the moment. Often one does not have to look so far, you might find some friends around you in the following case : it might be that the ex says, ok you can continue to live in partly my house with my child or children, but not with a lover or he or you has to pay that much or so on and so on. It can also be that I'm wrong about this and that, maybe one tries to be a virtuous child again in sight of growing old...and maybe that is a necessary for the rest (and telepathy) in peace. Writing about this in a personal way, one could say it is a kind of personal despair explanation I want to give for my own experience, but that has never been the starting point of my writing.

I've noticed that people who have another partner, but not all the time, don't easily like to tell this to their children, not in the case of Doubt, who never came so far as telling her parents of my existence…not always positive for ancestral relations as well. Which hidden secrets that unite life and dead at the border is there in reaching almost a kind of meditation stage, after having head an orgasm and why only thirty percent of woman have an orgasm during coitus ? The inexperience of man or the impatience or ... ? Read a book about it and you will understand, but which other reasons can there be ? Isn't an orgasm not something like a dream and what is happening in the telepathic world at that stage ?


N. Closer to the spirit

Personages : Bachaleoritis/Abstentia/Height /Nononsens/Pleasedaddy //Patience/Doubt/ /Observer/Trauma//Observer/Doubt//Selfish/Stuborn...

Diary & Generation tales

Seems that in some peoples life, people use people to help them back on the pad of understanding their lives, but often in very strange ways.
Here are some stories about the complexity of why we put up with each other. One can be attracted by someone because one had the same nasty experiences not excluding that the other person is quite the opposite of the first one in a number of characteristics.

Generation Stories.
Due to their parents stories and so on the grandparents started off with a certain heritage, mostly as antithesis (as a reaction or a completion of the stories before them). Take Bacheloritis, who was not married, but had three children with a wife Abstentia that lived on the farm of her parents. She refused to go and live with the father of her children un till he had and house of their own and not the house where he lived together with his brother. Once they had a new house of their own they had another child...who was told ,some times to much, that he had to build a house for his wife later.

Where on earth did their son Patience got the idea that it was more important to have a house then to have children...did he feel himself not wanted ? Had he witnessed child abuse or was he introduced in to having sex with his cousin and his wife ? Did he once witnessed a known to him only, who had sex with an animal...what idea did he have of making love with these experiences ? Can one catch a kind of virus or whatever which one can pass on and become partly influenced by that in one’ s behavior ? Having too much sexual lust in life for example ? Patience was learned to work hard and to take over a farm that was too little for modern farming in the capitalist age. But he wanted to prove that it could be done, much to his credit.
He wasn't much of a big talker and especially with woman he was slow. Patience met a woman named Doubt and, she was a good story teller. Her parents hid her in a catholic school for years when, as she found, her father thought her sensuality was a threat to her and maybe to him, she imagined herself, because the days of sitting on father' s knees were over. It was a fact of life that must have influenced her deeply...did she experience it as indeed being put aside or was it at the same time a test to overcome a kind of ydelness...not being fathers favorite little girl any more (with no sisters). Doubt's mother Pleasedaddy, had some doubts about marying her future husband Nononsense because the rumor went that he had someone else, but once she wanted to start looking for someone else, he came back as men often do. Why did Nononsense had another girl...maybe because his mother Height did not saw Pleasedaddy a suitable wife for her daughter ? Pleasedaddy had a southern appearance, Nononses was a northern guy. So part of the doubts Doubt had about life, came from the early conflict of her parents. Maybe that's why she fell in love with Patience, he also (who not anyway ?)had in his heritage a load to deal with.

Meanwhile a man called Observer fell in love with a girl, Trauma, who was abused by her father, they understood each other because Observer has had some difficulties with a ten year older man who doubted about his sexual preference, he was ten years older and a boy between 8 and 12 had to learn how to be assertive. Doubt and Observer did not know each other yet, but one can say that their life was pushed in another direction from early on, by situations and developments and events. Observer was an understanding person, to understanding, due to that nasty experience of someone wanting to play with someone other' s private parts... his natural born system to say no had to recover strength after being attacked. Doubt had to cope with the strong and weak points of her family in law and own family, but who doesn't...she married in the first place to be away from home and maybe also because Patience was large in allowing his wife her own space, specially later on. She missed something in his sexual being, she did not know why she did not come, as she found out later that woman could as well. After the birth of their first son ,they went to a psychologist, and it was she that mainly had to do the talking. Was her husband gay or something ? They 'did' it, but something was missing. Why she kissed that girl in the school without boys, to test what kissing was, not because of no boys in school. Thought she knew Patience already then.

Doubt took an interest in men that could talk about culture and other things an she experienced another kind of sexual energy with some who's willy she could 'hold' for a while, but they went no further. Doubt wanted a second child, but her man kept on postponing, just like his oldest son later on would do. Patience was a hard worker, but also a good sports player and when Doubt was in the sport clubs a lot of man and woman wanted to tell her of their problems in married life and so on. That is why Doubt started taking an interest in alternative healing...something she would later on share with Observer once he was divorced, due to the fact that Observer's wife found a solution to her child problems in starting an affair with a much older man...breaking the enemy picture of 'men', she projected in to her first husband Observer, who was, only because he was a man to blame for the abuses done by the incest of the father of Observers wife Trauma. The trauma had de -routed her and Trauma did never accuse or was angry at her father OPENLY, because of what that man, her father Selfish did. Later on, thanks to a study, Doubt came up with, Observer realized that the allergies Trauma had, were an inner over reaction on her situation whit her father...she had to keep everything inside and made to many defense mechanism which did not help each time he had his way anyhow. It was not healthy that her anger kept inside. Observer was the one who had to suffer. He knew before they were married what had happened between his girlfriend and her father. She had told him when he had asked why she was always biting her nails and sometimes even him. Observer had some doubts about having children with this women, but an inside voice 'IV', we will call 'it' whispered that it would make his kids stronger in the end. It would be some years after they married when Observer would confront his father in law with this situation from the past. Were incest fathers also a kind of homos or pedo's ? Wasn't a child in a triangle relation between her father Selfish and her mother Stuborn , Trauma in this case, condammed too much pressure from a young age ? Observer liked Trauma because she was a kind of Pipi Langkous type, not typically with to fine girly manners.

Doubt worked for years together on the farm of Patience ( a farm of his own, not of his father). But after a few years she found a job. A few years went by and Doubt kept on asking for a second child. In vain. 'Later' always was the answer, so it was to be...but Doubt got to easily (moralist would say, and moralists can be wright, sometimes, but ... ) under the influence of a man who wanted something with her. A colleague at work. To go short, she had her second baby, one can wonder who is the biological father. She admitted the relation to Patience and after a new crisis they stayed together and had a third child later...who would later on have a kind of family situation as his grandfather Bacheloritis, but in a more modern way. During carrying her second son, Doubt got very confused and she wrote a psychological report about her doubts, in an attempt to come above her problems. Even if Patience was calm, what went inside his head and what was the influence of his taught-energy in house ? Surely Doubt longed sometimes for that other energy she had experienced. She started reading a lot of books and Observer would help her with it, years later, when they had a platonic relationship of two years. He would help her understand the books and learn from them as well and always separating sense from charlatanism...and a very special relationship grew. They spoke about it frankly with Patience before they started sleeping with each others of couple of times a week and attending cultural advents and travel together a period later.
It was a very passionate story and it would only almost seemingly completely end sixteen years later, now, because Doubt kept on doubting and did not chose to live for Observer most part of the years. Observer did not want her to leave her children, normally it goes like that; but this was a try to have a relationship with tree in the beginning. What was Observers reason for this...he wanted to prove himself and his children that their mother was not to be blamed as 'bad' and that he, Observer reacted not as Patience did when he found out about the cheating of his wife...Observer, after trying to win Trauma back again to continue a responsible education of the children, did not succeed in this. Trauma in fact wanted to continue the relationship with Horned, her new friend, one year later her new husband already. For 4 years already that Observer did not knew about it, he was told. First, without revealing the full truth an elderly colleague of Observer10 people for a theatre monologue, Observer wrote; that it became clear that Horned couldn't have had an invitation for the play but through Trauma, and she did not tell Observer about it. .Horned' s wife maybe maybe had cheated on Horned as well, Observer did not know. Then Observer understood that he should follow the mother of his children to where she spent her midday pauze in Brussels, where Observer as well worked, but a few miles away from her. That is where probably Fat Pigeon must have seen them...or heard say from others. Observer will always remember Pigeon's words. They had a good understanding between them, because Pigeon's father had died in the resistance work of the second world war in Hainaut, province of Belgium. Pigeon also was the friend of a woman who had a pub. Suddenly when Pigeon in the middle of the problems of Observer and Trauma died of a hart attack and Observer went to his funeral; Observer felt a strange feeling in the cremation center when he set behind a drink in the waiting for the ashes room. Suddenly a kind of magnetic feeling went up, starting from his feet to above and went it reached his hart, Observer taught he was having an attack as well...but the magnetic feeling accelerated and when it has reached his head took off and Observer then saw a yellow kind of piramyd form taking of in the almost dark 'cosmos', Observer supposed...like those space-ships when they are filmed in science fiction series. It was a kind of magnetic feeling like when you hold two magnets together at a little distance or like when you put a needle on a chair and under neat you try to move it with a magnet. It would be Doubt that would give Observer his first book to make him understand this . So Observer not only was reading things about psychology to make him understand his marriage crisis, but later on, when it was too late anyhow, also things like 'the black holes', by Charon. He had started off with having an interest mainly in social and political articles and books which could help him understand why there still were wars going on and why there was so much poverty and unemployment and stress at work. But all kind of events continuously change people’ s lives.

In the very early months of her relationship with Observer, Doubt slept as well with her husband as with Observer, that's how it goes, the newcomer excites the existing relationship...but that passes quickly and in the case of Doubt she grew ever closer and closer spiritually and bodily towards Observer, so in the end after some months Patience and Doubt had separated beds to sleep in different rooms, Observer was told and he found out it was in fact so. Doubt and Observer wrote a lot to each other, she was a specialist in poetry and he in essays of all kind, but writing in every kind of styles literature. The fact that Doubt and Observer worked together in the same call center, meant that they saw each other up to three days a week, due to the fact that Doubt wasn't the kind of person where making much money was important to, but managing family life was. Observer was strong enough to find himself not a kind of special extra in the relationship of Doubt and her husband and Patience was the one who suffered the most in the end, because he wasn't so good in approaching a new woman for him, but he got a little help from a friend of his, who often had a woman he had to get rid of once they came to close in his life. The first new woman Patience met, was a new experience to Doubt, as she claims, she was never jealous about Patience (but a lot of Observer if he was to lose his patience now and a while and wondered if he himself should not look for a new woman. It sometimes happened that Doubt was feeling to depressed to handle the slightly complex situation and dealing with it in time and space and emotional limits. Observer started of being extremely faithful in the begin of the triangle he now was involved in. He made sure he did not drink too much and almost followed a vegetarian diat. He was a great lover for Doubt, when you read the top 20 or so of their love making days you will notice Doubt as well was. How long would paradise last ? What did they have to learn a about human behavior and the factor 'speculation' in human relationships, according to the circumstances one is in. During sixteen years un till both of her parents were dead, she did not mention the fact that she knew another man ! Observer had no problem talking to his parents about this. Also about other private stuff, nobody knew a lot about in the family outside the house of Doubt and Patience. Observer always wondered why Doubt did not mention her two main secrets to close ones, there was one who was entitled to any how. Hard to bare for Observer, was the fact that the outside world considered him maybe a bit as someone who was taking another man wife...all be it their story ended much earlier in fact...in terms of sharing the same energy and understanding each other. One could argue that in any case a woman must stick to her man, but the heritage of the past was so heavy that things did work out in another way and also because Observer especially found that he and Doubt had a common cultural and educational task in life to carry out. This wasn't what a few female friends of the sometimes very doubting love of Observer taught, even if their relationships weren't ideal...or worse even. It depends who you are in fact, and what you come to learn here in your life of yours. Observer had come to the conclusion, that one has to make up one’s mind most of the time when a love triangle is in the making...whether you obstain wisely or you follow your passion and hart and in the case of Doubt and himself, the spiritual path they were walking. Otherwise, especially the woman, loses grip over her nearby environment. Observer had in common with Doubt, that they cared too much about all parties concerned instead of relying on the strength of each person they were responsible for and especially the children.

When Doubt was enclosed between the walls of staying in the week in a school 'pensionat', there was a girlfriend who wanted to kiss her, or who did start ? In every person there is a part female and male energy, but Observer knew perfectly well that he was a pure hetero. Never mind, fact is the love Doubt discovered outdoors with her 3th lover Observer, was quite different from what she had experienced previously. Even the sounds were more masculin. In many ways, not only physical, but cultural and psychological their genes seemed to be destinated to mix...but in their young forties, she, being two years older and both of them sterilized for different psychological reasons, even with a desire to create, time and circumstances had an advantage to reality and fantasy. Patience had insisted that Doubt should sterilize herself...and maybe in a mood of feeling a bit guilty for a period of time in her relationship with Patience in the time before Observer came in to her life, she had accepted his decision. One can of course also take such a decision in the speculative projection of being able to cross the lines of monogamy. But what was the use of it in a time when aids started to get known. In any case, Observer had his sterlization, mainly because of the fact that it was one week in hospital for a women (if it was true what Trauma said) and a day for a men. That day in the hospital a man who Observer believed to easily would have lived till a hundred years, died some 25 years later. Even the chirurg who did the operation on Observer only lived for one year any more. It had taken Observer some courage to make that decision, not only because he is the kind a man who would not say no to his wife, no matter how much children she would have wanted, but also because he did not find it a natural thing to do. He even did not like the taught that seed killing products were sold in pharmacies. So he and Trauma used condoms and each time they wanted to have another child, they stopped using them. But tree children they taught it was ok now. Observer was extremely convinced that his marriage would last forever. When he awoke of his operation, Trauma sat next to the bed and Observer at least taught that she would value his gest or sacrifice, if that is more the wright word. Even dough Observer surely was the father of their three children, he was spared the fact that Trauma did not know Horned at that time, nearly on a no day to day inter minister department bases, working in separated building. If not, this well would have been a knowledge only bearable to a godlike character. If one considers the first relationship Observer had after his Trauma became his ex...one can wonder if scenario writing on the highest level in life does it's very best that those who are not meant to be born to not make it in to this life. But that is a story to be written in between the rest of this heroic and sometimes silly epos. The story of the first Gobetween.

It is easy to condemn relationships outside of monogamy, but sometimes circumstances make a lot comprehensible. Many people are being pushed in other destinies, changing their real character in order to please others and before they realize it, they are being dominated for purposes they cannot find themselves in. That's one explanation. Sometimes one can realize and feel that everything that happens in life almost was meant to be that way, because of the fact that at a certain moment in time, due to the domino effect of the past, only one circumstance-situation is possible. When people often get mixed up about this axioma of 'one circumstance exactly the domino of the former situation', they find something that keeps them busy to forget about the other side of the purely material reasons of life. They forget why they would rather talk or sleep with people who like to read poetry for example then with those who like calculating to make money all day far too much. . Were Doubt and Patience married with people who mainly realized that they could capitalize the relationship because their parents had land to build on and so on ? There is also next to more sensible people a world of people who more have an economical vision upon life than a psychological one...not that they are not nice or no good people or so, on the contrary; but the cold blood rules their warm side. Strangely one often sees both types of persons having a complete opposite partner as if it was some kind of genetic law to help the genes find better combinations to continue the stories of the lifelines.

In fact one can say that one should leave other people who have a relationship alone, whether it's a good relationship or and that is true; but it isn't the way it works in fact...it is a good thing to avoid complex situations but if you follow what you think, is your hart, love seduces you to bite not only in the platonic apple, but in the physical and chemical as well...and this is a very positive something if there is not only a friendship, but a spiritual band as well...then a relationship, even outside an existing one, is unstoppable...but with no guarantee for a happy ending...because the weight of the past. That is why, when one is getting older and especially starts taking care of the adult problems of the next generation, one loses the original ties with the new relationship one had in midlife times. Best would have been living together with two souls with more or less the same interests and human kind of energy, because, even what the other where you live together with thinks but not expresses, affects your personal evolution an toughts and feelings towards others.

To continue. In fact Observer had all the right to dislike people who bothered other people with another kind of physical energy as their own. Holebi's should leave hetero’ s in their way of evolution...and pedophiles...what kind of reptiles were they ? Were all those experiences necessary to make a comparison between his interests in sciences, the links between atoms, protons, neutrons...and the relationships of human beings reacting to one another ? He had put all his answers to all the human fields of interest in life on a lot of blogs...mainly to help find others the meanings of life and why they should broaden their horizons. It was a too big of a work, surmounting his forces to translate all the pages he had written about all this, all those pages and people and situations, clones of godly forces of nature, we. in all our differences.

Theusday 19 mai 2011

“So how will I deal with my writing in the future”, Observer taught. Last night when writing had fatigued him, he went to help put Sceptic a sleep. This very old mother of his, who he had watched evaluate to slowly taking leave from life, was helped by him and a sister called Courageous. The latter took care of her in daytime, (with social helpers as well) and sometimes at night and Observer mostly the last hour of her evenings and Sunday afternoons. The weekly church paper lay on the table. There were some interesting articles about the road downwards of religion (but ‘godsdienst’ in fact and in this case, of the classical church). A woman had spent a year in a monastery to write a book and from reading other articles it seemed that more and more ordinary church visitors were integrated in ceremonies of all kind. “Isn’t that something for you Courageous ? “ She had studied for taking care for babies, but became a fruit cultivator instead, loyal at the side of her husband and ended up for some time in the day like her mother Sceptic by taking care of elderly people. Her father Sincerity had died and she had taken his trees under her management and that of her husband Goodwill. “No” she said, “that would be nothing for me”. “Because of the fact that you cry to easily when you see someone with tears at funerals,…maybe you can do the birth ceremonies”, Observer replied ! Observer each day tried to bring a little joy in the living room and the room where Skeptic’ s bed stood. Skeptic could have marvelous bright moments when she was full of joy, but the skeptical part in her was becoming overwhelming at times. In fact she had been mostly joyful and hardworking in her life, helping where she could, but as counterpart in her existence she had a very narrow economic view on life. Ah, those parents, one must also discover the shadow sides of them. They send you to church and school and later on in life in fact one finds out that sometimes they don’t believed in eternal life themselves. “Ah, you have new shoes mother, now you can go dancing again”. (the woman sits in a wheel chair and feels pain when she is helped up her feet for more than a minute).

In the morning around 05.30 Observer woke up. Before he had felt a sleep he watched some television (fewer and fewer). A bloke who gave lectures talked about discipline and perseverance in order to attain ones goal. Had not Observer reached all his goals already ? A complete work in every possible style of literature on the internet, about every possible topic in Life with a capital. As a blogartist, that’s what he calls himself, but the word is not invented yet, he used modern means to make people believe more in the lives they lead and the reasons why we are living.
In the process off falling asleep he put his worries aside and made room for whatever was entering his mind. Faces he did not knew, associations without and with them, things that in his inner amused him and drove away the feeling of lying alone again in bed. All of the sudden he got this image in the left corner of his head, his son Center looked relaxed, sitting on nothing to him and said without words “the love you gave me was the most beautiful one can imagine”. This scene was followed by an agreement on this it ‘seemed’ by Observer ‘s ex Trauma and Doubt. ‘Well all mighty, now they finally understand the hell I went through sometimes, in between heavens’, Observer taught. ‘What a good feeling this was. One had to take everybody and anyone as he or she was or it was and at times show a bit or much resistance towards those who do not strengthen our weak points and make our weak points bigger…and in some cases one was to blame as well for one part. But which ? One had to find out each day.
He dreamt he had five children. Grandchildren, children of his own or…his children as the different parts of his main blogs. One about history and resistance and alternatives now a days, one about philosophy full off essays about the history of philosophy and his viewpoints, one with a Dutch novel on his own experience in social-political life, a few poetry blogs, a novel about the soul of love relations, but written in the way of the soul, this what he was writing now should be more about the spirits behind it. All this work spread among some 15 blogs…could hé finish them. Often he had to rest a lot to be able to continue. He would better send his work to a progressive institution that kept stock of these kind of valuable material, he taught each time he wondered if he would wake up in the morning. Maybe it was time for him to search himself a wife to life at his side ? Or maybe the living apart thing with Doubt wasn’t so bad after all, because of the time and loneliness a writer sometimes need to perform. Even getting all mixed about things, sometimes can help him to every time progress more in consciousness.
Wait and see what’s next. The living apart and some tree times a week together thing, had ended after tree year, finishing a sixteen year old relationship that went from platonic to platonic as it now was getting obvious.
21 May
"And I sit and wait and anticipate what is coming", was a phrase Observer 'got' from somewhere, when he was sitting resting between moments of looking on the internet for what others had to tell. Within a few hours there was that church meeting remembering the dead of his father Sincere, who would have been 88 yesterday, but lived until 83. That is, Observer believed he was still present by in everything he left to others the day he passed away with a long deep bread. Everyone present in the room taught it was his last. But he waited some eternal seconds and took breath very deep for one last time. Holy moment, such a last breath. One would like to see the number of breaths taken in his life. The task of understanding what this life of his meant, for so many people and to himself, is not an easy one. It is quite easy, but only if you remember his soft and sweet part mainly and the moments of wisdom he tried to share on some occasions, mainly outside his life as a very hard working independent fruit cultivator and trader. He looked very peacefully in his coffin where numbers of people showed him their last respect. He was born in a house build by his father in 1935. His father had three sons and two daughters, (a tirth lived briefly). His father Mesurer wasn't the kind of man that one cannot have as a friend. He was very reliable in every way. He was a kind of wise man that tried to solve family rows or helped to lay down the dead in their coffin, so that they looked peacefully. In those days people were kept for three days at their home, befor being buried. Mesurer cultivated potatoes and lots of fruit and vegetables and was elected again and again in the council of the village, for a party that did not depend on the traditional main parties, until the 1960's where the man he appointed as his follower became the youngest ‘burgemeester’ (learn Dutch, it is easy if you know English, it’s a kind of deeper soul, closer to the spirit) ‘mair’ of the country all at ones. Mesurer had gained much credibility during world war two, as a member of an independent resistant group. As the owner of a cafe he had to be very prudent to hide all those who wouldn't go and work for the occupying foreign state. Even in 1944, in a time when he kept on warning not to take revenge by murdering collaborators, but supporting the hideaway of people and some economic sabotage, even in a time when at last, with the allies at the gates of France; when a collaborator was shot dead and there would be revenge from the part of the occupier and much collaborators from all over the country, he knew that his wife Softness had again go into hiding and his sons and him again as well...so he saved his family and the rest of his life he found it difficult that many in the village did not return from the camps of concentrations they were taken at. He had warned that even in sight of the Allies, it was not safe to let young men openly work at the guest farms they were in hiding in, young men that refused to work for the occupier and had left their homes to hide themselves. Mesurer knew that the Gestapo and the own Belgian collaborators knew too much already about the activities in the local region, because not enough security. "It must have been hell, having to take care of a family in those days, with sons that were tracked down", Observer taught. Mesurer ' s son Sincerity, who had become ill during the war, escaped enlisting in the war machine that way and a second son, sweet Calculator, got off the hook as well, by using his brothers papers under a false name...with his brother waiting at the corner of the occupier's bureau to see how this risk taking story would end, ready to go in and defend his brother if he was to be taken for arrest, when the deceit would be discovered.
The brothers survived the war and began to adept themselves at the new area of being a farmer. Together with their youngest brother Traveler they had looked for a job in the steel industry of the French part of the country, but in vain. So after the war, when the brothers married, Travelar became an excellent roof repairer and much more and Sincerity and Calculator began to expand the small business of their father, who stopped going to the local markets in nearby towns, him and his horse. The brothers started out from practically nothing and bought their own station wagon car with was partly build from wood, can you imagine those days. Along with the buying of the English car, came the ’heard say’ that in England fruit trees were planted in to pots. As in Flanders, farmers had those big trees still. But that changed, more and more little fruit trees replaced some areas in Flanders to beautiful scenes, especially in springtime. Mesurer from then on only took care of his animals, cows and pigs as it was done in the days of his youth. on a small scale. He occupied himself in his old age as well with a folklore dance group and with going to funerals of people he knew, trying to forget the scars of the war. On these occasions, as well as on funerals and weddings he spoke or sang songs, and was very proud to buy his first pickup which he took to the 1958 world expo in Brussels and were the guild of Saint Sebastian danced on for an international public. It must have meant a lot for these dancing farmers, coming out of a terrible war and trying to forget about it. A big farmer in some part of the other side of the village n those ware days, was a member of the collaboration and walked around in black uniform, trying to win some poor people over for his case, then his brother was killed by the end of the war and the collaborating family wanted to take revenge by 'punishing' the entire village by taking some 78 hostages...and only 8 returned.
But those days where gone, the sons of Mesurer bought their first tractor and with their first Magirus truck they started doing business with their fruit and those of other farmers in the area. First only in a town in the province of Antwerp, years later they started exporting as well to the rebuild nation that was the former occupier. Sincerity 's first idea for making a living was to go to Congo and cultivate fruit over there. He had followed colonial school and was ready to leave, but did not in last instance, some years before much Belgian cultivators were thrown out of Congo for a while. Again he had some luck one could say…as had the wife he would merry the often joyful Sceptic...during the war she was wounded high above her leg, by a splinter of a bomb thrown from a plane...she almost bled to dead...and was a war victim who almost couldn't have had children because of 2cm more to the left, one can say. Observer often wondered if he, as the riping part of an egg he ones was, did not feel her anxiety as well at the time. In any case, he had reason enough to become a war resister later on. Sincerity and Calculator and Sceptic became a trio that worked very hard in order to follow the needs of the welfare system after world war two and the ever growing scale of doing business. Starting in the sixties, everybody wanted to have a car and a lot of workers in factories, not only farmers, in their free time, when they returned from work, they started cultivating strawberries for example. So, during Observers youth each day after school he had to do a lot of work to help with getting all kinds of fruit in to up to two trucks each day, charging them at the hangers at home or going to get them at the veiling. Next to this the own plantations kept on growing as well, so more and more work had to be done and the number of workers working for the brothers grew up to 5 at a certain point. Wives of farmers came to sort the fruit and a young men who wasn't able any more to live from the carpenter workplace of his father, because ever bigger concurrence from big enterprises, joined the team, together with a few mineworkers, who stopped their activity under the ground to get back in touch with nature again.
20-21-22 may 2O11 FRISATSUN
There is something strange about remembering people's birthdays of ones deceased. Normally Observer wouldn't do it in a mas, but to please his old mother, he did it not to show off for a community. After writing he went to mas and sat there as usual sometimes listening attentive, sometimes feeling kind of 'what am I doing here anyway'. According to his own theories he could understand the preachers words 'the father is in the son and the son is in the father', but when he talked about Jesus having died on the cross for our sins, no that was too much. Talking about this with friends they said to him, "oh yes, that main 'enherited' sin is the one, as we were told we enherited'. Because that conversation took place after the mas in the evening in a café, it did not came up in the mind of observer, that he had already given a large number of answers through his texts...about each generation having to deal with the previous burdens and becoming more and more strong. But why did he have to die for it, Jesus Christ ! Maybe when everyone dies, her or his energy can be a big energetic help for the ones that stay behind. Maybe they can influence life more than the not departed ones, by those small things.

Take my father, he would not have wanted Observer to be unhappy for example. Observer, that day, had a week were it was tough not being able to have someone with also a need of making every chakra function...in his case he needed the chakra's of a female. On certain moments of the day it seemed that it was all he needed...therefore was not so much having sex but, having the presence of female aura around him or touching in a tantric way already should have improved his energy flows. It were those moments on which everything from chakra 1 to 3 was blocked, with as a result that some kind of boring sadness and boring enjoyment came over him. It could be in the morning after writing a first text or reading on the internet or whatever, with or without taking food or having thee or coffee. Then he had to lie down for a quarter to half an hour in the best case and meditating brought him back to what he was busy with as a writer and researcher or as the practical things he had to do towards others or himself. Sometimes he wondered if that feeling came from touching to much heavenly borders or were it just the two little golden ‘klems’ that were put to sterile him, that were in the way, as if the energy of his genetic heritage wanted to get out ?

After mas, he could have driven to let's say Brussels and pick up any,a bit good lucking but smart women living on the streets, but he knew he would probably be putting himself in trouble by doing so. He could phone nobody he knew because all woman friends were in a particular situation that did not allow him to exchange chakra's with him. Later more about this maybe. So, before Observer went to help his sister put their mother in bed, he decided to do some things he had postponed so far. He visited a place with a cafe and took two beautiful pictures. When he entered the cafe a man with a to big head sat there, Observer had known him when he was little...the too big head person wasn't friendly towards Observer, who taught behind his coffee about his to long time relationships with Trauma and Doubt. In each of their families was such a person with a big head, In Trauma's case it was a child of the son of a brother of her grandmother, in Doubt's case it was a sister who did not live long. From the cafe he drove to a man who had invited him to come and take a look at his many exotic birds, but he and his wife were not at home...so Observer went for a rest at the house of his sons, which was his, but he called it that way because he himself lived near a pont (vijver, little lake) in a chalet most of the time, and also in his camper outside, depending from the season and temperatures and the energy he had left to put on his stove. That energy, the last couple of years, could do less and less without sunlight and if wasn't for the condition his mother was in and a few other reasons, he would have spent his time in winter in a warmer climate. It was may and he should hold it to oktober, he presumed another year more. Before going to his mother he send an email to Doubt, asking when he and she would have their weekly encounter to talk or write bike...but at the last moment he did not send it and saved it as a concept...because the discussion why she wanted them to be platonic friends again, she would not have any more. And even a slight question in this direction, there came no answer any more. Only who has read the Dutch text on the "'t leven liefhebben grootste kunst" blog can understand this a little...but in fact the ones concerned, the couple itself mostly, al dough outsiders can have important keys to understanding as well. But what Observer was trying to say was "why don't we go out together in the evening any more to drink a glass or so" ? One of the other taughts he had in the mas, was towards his father Sincerity...why could he not help him a little according not so much to religious, but energetic principles, that in fact are religious. As the evening fell, Observer forgot about this taught and wondered if he wouldn’t pay a visit to the priest of the village for the first time since the man had lived in the priests-home place at the other side of the village. Passing there, he saw the lights on and decided to abandon the idea. Some of the priests were of his own age know and this one had studied politics and social stuff, so it surely would have been a good idea to inviting him to a pub to talk about religion, energy and politics, if the first two would have seemed not to make sense. But Observer drove on, the man was probably preparing himself for his mas of tomorrow or the day after when he had to guide a bus of people towards a religious center.

So Observer drove to the café keeper who was interested in Kabala and Budhism and there sat Doubt, usually not in the presence of her woman friend, but now next to a man Observer had talked to a couple of weeks ago...when that man was in a better state, because know he troubled Doubt a bit, because of his state of being. How did this connect with what Observer had taught about the energy of Sincerity to 'help' his son a bit ? Was it a coincidence that the place one can go to pay a women a drink and hold her or more, was closed ? Observer had in despair of missing female chakra’s, briefly considered the idea of beginning with this, he did not find it an option, but he could understand why some man did it. Ironically the name of the place was the 'confession chair'…a bit denigrating he found…he had no confessions to make in fact, it were usually other people’s live who got stuck in which he became involved, thinking he himself would be the way out for them. Doubt and Observer had little chance of talking in privately, because of the man sitting with the right part of his aura next to the left part of the aura of Doubt, kept on interrupting for most of the time...the left aura of Observer was feeding the right aura of Doubt and that seemed to be ok…Observer had noticed the importance this sometimes had for words being said. In fact , in the end, the energy who is in charge on the highest hierarchical stage seems to intervene in strange ways to prevent people sometimes, not only having a boring evening, or doing stupid things...but it uses themselves to protect each other. Or it could also be that way, that it meant that Observer had to break with Doubt and finally would stop wanting to prove that for the connections between their lives, there were more reasons to continue than most of us can imagine...and Doubt, the one who had gave him a lot of help on this journey discovering special energies and the one he therefore still loved, at least, a part of her being…did no longer want to talk about this common source. Observer from time to time told her that the reasons for not going back to have a living apart together relation lie in the unachieved story with her father, her husband, a former long hidden relationship with a special consequence and children, adults now, with their own kind of problems that were in fact replays of how the former generation or her ex had reacted to a situation of love in a triangle. His son was in the same situation in fact, waiting to long to give the wife a child or a second child or accepting a triangle situation while he needed a women to help him, not only in his professional life.

Sunday dinner a Septic’s house. Sons are in good mood. Joking with each other about each other's choices in live and way of being, about problems of others, trying to understand them, but not being pushed and bullied around by them. Trying to explain the old Sceptic that a computer stick of 16GB can contain thousand books and that your own gigabyte inside you travels through another dimension ones it's ready. The older she gets the more little girl she becomes again next to her 'Sceptic' attitude...as everyone one has two sides, a soft one and a harder one.

Bachaleoritis/Abstentia/ /Nononsens/Pleasedaddy //Patience/Doubt/ /Observer/Trauma//Observer/Doubt//Selfish/Stuborn//FatPigeon//Woodkeephim/Sceptic/Courageous/ Sincerity/Goodwill/Centered/Sweetcalculator/Hurt/Togay/
So Observer, how was he going to cope with the fact that it loked like he would not ever be a grandfather ? The following up of events of former generations and the responding events in his life and that of his sons, had led to a situation whereby one son (Braveheart) did not want children, (he almost had in a particulae way) another (Honnest) one wasn't motivated to have children (because of the fact that he did not meet the partner for it yet ?) and another (Neutral) did not start again with looking for another woman.Had he to meet another women and start another family, him beiing sterilised ? Had this descision anything to do with the situations of his sons today ? Didn't Observer and his wife Hurt had the a common task in life, in helping espicially Observer understands in which way genetics and special forms of energy work in life and had he to explain this to a few people who were ready to understand or are those things things one only can understand in the inner self or are these things only to be understood after passing away ?

No use of recapitulating what had happened in Observers life, to many thousands of days had past. How to put it briefly in letters ? He had been misused by a few young men, some ten years older then him and had learnt to be assertive against them and when the age of falling in love came, he fell in love with a girl who confined to him that she was misused by two much elderly men as well.
This was enough for him to having the idea in the back of his had that he would not start a family with her, because of her traumatic experiences. But a little voice inside his head, told him to go on because their children would have the genes necessary to confront these kind of situations better. Little did Observer know that life's energy is beiing sent to the wright places and people to interact.
Little did he know that girls misused by their father or other elderly men do not overcome those things easily, like he had overcome other kind of experiences. Little did he know that misused girls tend to take revenge at their partners on the long term, just because they are 'men' as well. Later one when Observer and his wife had little children, she had difficulties just in deciding wether she was going with on a trip on a bus with other people, her man and the children...afraid of having to vomit, like that once in the car with her father and mother when Hurt ( Observers wife) who felt kind of guilty towards her parents and especially her mother was so stressed she could not take the triangle situation any more, but not speaking was not a solution, it even provoked allergic reactions with Hurt. Her father Togay run from doctor to doctor with his daughter, not knowing she suffered from him and from both their genetical heritage. When Hurt lived with Observer, she did not have all those complaints any more, specialy after having her first baby. She had told Observer that the elderly man did not penetrate her, but Togay did...and in their sixteen years of living together she kept that secret almost till the end when she admiddet that the last year of their married live she was seeiing a married men regularly. Observer tried to be patience and confince her to stay together, but is was no use. After the last time they made love, she cried very very deap tears, not because of the fact she had made love with him and she was feeling a bit guilty because of the fact she wanted to stay faithfull to her new lover and she had said to him that she and Observer slept already in seperate rooms (indeed they did for some weeks already).

Later on they would life in one house with each another partner, each on one floor, something quite unusual for that time. The first weeks (Observer still had noone it was very hard, but Observer made great paintings), later on it was like Hurt had become a kind of a sister...and when Observer met Woodshirt (Wouldkeephim), he put his worries away. Hurt an her new partner after a year tried to convince Observer to move and because of not having had the experience of living in a town the social militant in Observer decided to go and live in a town where Woodshirt now and then came to sleep with him.
Woodshirt was ten years younger and Observer wanted that she would be free to find herself a man who was not sterilised, aldough that was not how Woodshirt taught about it...or was that only because she was quite a to economical thinking person ? Observers father asked his son to not play games with that comitted woman. But it was not quite Observer's type of person, because her intrests in anything other then the economical struggle of life was limited. One day when Observer came home from a voyage to England she brought a elderly man home who was over to his ears only being occupied with money and money and money again...very sauer. Who knows what Observer had to prevent that night...only the energitical fields behind the scenario of what happens, know. Another time she was about to meet someone of her own age, but his parents did not think that she was wealthy enough I guess. Observer got a bit angry with her when he found out that behind his back he suported a workers newspaper fiancialy as well. But he forgave and live went on. One day she met an refugee from the Indian continent and soon she had to decide if she would keep his baby. Observer helpt with this descision. She gave birth to a beautifull baby...hopefully the Indian influence would give a bit of warmth in the colder layers of Woodshirt. The new couple stayed some years together and another child was born. In the begining when the Indian man wasn't alowed in the country yet, Observer helped to deliver their first baby . He was feeling a bit obliged to help her during this difficult periode.

To save Observer from this kind of situation, the platonic relation he had with Doubt turned in to a spiritual one and then also a complete biological one...one problem dough...she was married and had children as well. In all honnesty they told her husband of their relationship...he was not suprised, because it already was the second time she had someone else (in a period where the husband was not ready to have an other child with her). She would have it with another man...and she would never tell the child about it, but to Patience, her husband she did tell. They stayed together but the same situation happened again, but this time with Observer in the role as third corner in the triangle. A certain space in Observer's nner, told him to stay out of the situation
but another part felt so much warmth, where ever it came from ! Maybe from a common task of understanding life and their lives as well, with deep roots in each of their lives and those of others.
What was their beside that also to be understood...that it's better especially for a woman to stay faithfull to her husband and keep on caring for the children ? Doubt, unlike Hurt, would not leave her children...and to this day, in consideration of the fact of their current problems in relationships, Observer still wonders if those children wouldn't have been better of if ther mum would have left them...maybe her children would have grown up to be more assertive towards women and not beiing to soft with them like their father was...the son who wasn't a child of that father, nor of Observer was quite asservative but tended to push aside his different girlfriends who were quite nice to him...a part that Doubt had in herselve as well.

Had Doubt to inform one of her sons, the one who resambled her the most about who is father was as Observer suggested she could do ? Had she to contact that man as on a propsition of Observer she did ...but that man refused any contact with her. ? In life at each stage everything occurs corresponding with what has happened in the past...as both Doubt; but far more Observer was to discover together within their sixteen years relationship...
Just a bit of writing to reach the inner again
The inner, the border between matter and antimatter. A piece of egg shell lay on the ground, ready to be touched by the local chicken. She picked and picked, must have done so a million times already. The local cat licks her milk, her tongue must have done this who knows how many times. One day they both will be dead...which will be the reward for doing what they did ? Passing the software from what they could do on ? People behave strange, they all need bodily contact and yet so many of them are alone. Who nice to have a friend who offers you cherries and her friendship and a hug...not at all the cherries that some of us drink with their drinks in a bar where being has to be paid for, I taught when I saw the local pimp leaving a shop with cherries. Do not know him, don’t want to. What's the difference the pimp would say after lives of too much loneliness...inside or outside them.
Woke up a big sick. What's the matter man, too too long without the kind of bio love her on earth ? It had been more than three weeks that I was coughing and now I felt as if a fire was burning inside me. What kind of micro insects had bitten me ?
A telephone call with someone from a callcenter wanting to male me a subscriber. Normally I show some patience. But now...clack the phone without answering back on the line. Another more automatic call I got, the phone company with an sms to by the wired line, asking me if I was satisfied with their recent intervention...wanting to keep me subscribed.

What would the day bring ? No, I would not any more ask anyone for some 'company'...now having written what I would have liked to write...what could I do more ? I had a new idea dough. Yesterday in the library a young teacher of very young children brought two books back, one from the old and one from the new testament, she had to pass an examination to give religion to children...I told her that in the library of a monastery in Averbode they had quite a lot books in every didactic material...knowing well in the back of my head, I could explain better. Maybe this was such an occasion that I had for felt an hour ago when I was planning on writing a book about questions young children ask adults.

No, I would not go to the doctor or pharmacist, I 'will survive by going a bit in the outside world today. No hermit today. Maybe biolove was what I needed, but especially starting up a good inner dialogue with myself to reach the vibrations necessary to continue my spiritual voyage towards the questions I posed myself in life...at this stage of my existence, being today. Serenity was what I wanted to comfort me with the idea of not being a grandfather ever ? The names of the villages I met 'Bel' for example with a serene women biking through the green local bush. Someone from Ghana I felt without asking was waiting at a bus stop. Nice to see as well on this rainy day. Being to be able to tell the story of one day completely is like an impossible thing to do with letters only...to many side roads in one's mind crossing the story of events and tings to see.

When one stops to have a meal, it can be quite tasty and only sometimes the meal is much better than the friendliness of the one who serves it. Or in cafés, where a lot of people with problems often meet, a lot is to observed. It sometimes happens that one of the people present begins to talk about 'Spain' for example, when I before I came was thinking about a subject that related to Spain. Or that I am thinking a lot about India and a driver comes walking in the pub, an Indian driver who asks the way to a company with the same family name as the grandmother of the recent love one is trying to leave behind, because of her situation in her head, not mine...or because of the scenario's hanging above our heads from before we were born as a never ending consequence of things we did or not do as well.
Then one arrives at home and discovers that one has got three mails without knowing what one is doing the past hours the former love sends you something about Averbode, about a church you were sitting in the sun with the same 'Nicolas'-name, but in another commune and about a foreign voyage...when at the same time practically one was in a voyage-shop to ask information about traveling abroad an rather as far away as the mail one was being send. And next to the picture of the Nicolas church was another church who had the same name as a political group with very narrow minded ideas...not the kind of 'church' to follow...not the kind of religion or philosophy to teach children.

A few remarks- questions for someone who made a pps on the net A.P.
About getting old.
Is one indeed the one who one wishes to be ?
Beauty indeed is always in the inner, no matter what age,
But vanity and the wrong kind of ego takes a lot of energy away.
How many real friends remain, who touch your real inner ?
One can be one’s owns best friend only if one knows oneself.
If that is the case, indeed one will not argue with oneself…or have sorrows.
Is one really happy living alone by oneself ? No.
A man, a woman, a son…can be good company…
Which human touch brings the inner closer ?
The superficial or the one touching one’s very being ?
It’s ok to have freedom, enjoy pleasant things…
Except when it is too much of away in avoiding the inner voice confronting oneself.
If the inner is really peaceful,
even younger people won’t have sarcasm seeing older people.
There indeed are reasons why older people start forgetting things…
As one gets to tires of looking for the mechanisms and lessons for eternity.
What are the reasons of a broken hart ?
Why does one have to say farewell to a dear one ?
Having pain does not continue to give strength.
Feeling the burden and joie of being of age more and more,
must not indeed make oneself unhappy.
Indeed, continue to be positive, and understand a yes and a no.
Can one really be longing for a good day in the morning,
Knowing one probably will spent the day alone …
And at the same time being grateful in the evening ?
Not caring about what others think of you is not always positive.
How can a negative thing be good even if it hurts no one ?
Do not be afraid to live with the one who fully understand you.
And if one is one can only hope there are the wright reasons for it.
Indeed, complaining is no use when one get’ s older, it’s the weed of our harvest.
One controls more than one thinks.
One can expect more than one thinks from others.
One does not need to be afraid of disillusion…it’s called fear.
One indeed has to learn how to have no hate, but one must be careful.
One cannot always have a head without sorrows, but try to avoid them.
One indeed must enjoy simple things and try to be glad.
And if one has talents for understanding the more complex, develop them.
It can give a very good energy inside.
One must avoid being too helpful in certain cases.
It can be negative to give more and expect less.
Try to make each day a nice one indeed.

These are a few remarks about the other side of ‘truth’ in the pps of the women who names herself Paradise.


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